The sharp eyed will have noticed the countdown to my retirement at the top of the blog. It's not a gag, that really is how much more time I have until I am 65 years old. With that in mind, is it any wonder that my mind often strays toward a, hopefully, even later time when I shall retire from life. I am still, at the moment, regarding the whole concept in a slightly frivolous way as I do not intend to shuffle off etc. with any haste. However, I find, on the whole, that my thoughts often turn to the final curtain in a somewhat inquisitive manner. For example, I am re-reading 'Dodger' by Terry Pratchett at bedtime at the moment and last evening I read a piece about what you leave behind when you die. As I had also watched the Vanessa Williams episode of 'Who do you think you are?' during the evening with some similar thoughts expressed, it set me to thinking about what I would be leaving behind come the day.
Now don't think I'm getting all maudlin here. I often have conversations of this sort with friends and family and I find that my contemporaries have no problem with thoughts like this whilst the younger element have great difficulties even accepting the concept of death. So it seems that the contemplation thereof is very much a senior thing. For me the change over point was when I was fifty in 1999. I had just lost my mother-in-law and I was struck down with a dicky ticker within six months. Life went into slow forward mode and has never come back up to speed since. Various body parts have begun to fail since then and, in general, the point has been made that I am on a downward spiral.
So back to the original thoughts, what do I do about the inevitable need for some sort of guidance for those I leave behind me? When the principle character has reached his or her three score and ten, funerals are rarely concerned with pure grief. There is often the unspoken thought of, "At least I outlived him!" In addition, quite often they are seen as a 'Happy release' by close relatives and totally ignored by the very young. The only grief tends to come from older children and very close family who feel they have lost a part of their life. This, of course is true and we probably wouldn't want it any other way as grief provides us with a form of relief in it's own way.
So is there anything that we can do to make those that we leave more comfortable with our leaving?
I like to think so. For example, what about the funeral? have you specified how you want to go, whether in writing or by telling all and sundry over and over again until they can tell you what you want? A complete set of instructions is always a useful thing when you have to organise something fairly quickly - and it will be quickly! My own preference is to make it perfectly clear that, as I won't be there other than the obvious, I have no problem with how I am disposed of as long as it suits those left behind. I am also toying with the concept of producing a video to be played at my funeral, or thereabouts, to say goodbye and explain why, as I don't have a problem, I would appreciate it if anyone watching relaxed and enjoyed the wake.
As to what I leave behind, there might be some money and there will be a lot of my property which will be deployed in my will. As for the real stuff, I hope to continue to be in peoples thoughts as someone who did his best to be a good friend, parent and husband despite cocking it up on a regular basis over most of his life. I know from my own experience that we don't remember the really good stuff about people until some time after their departure. When we do, however, we probably paint them with a rosy glow. We're like that, us humans.
